Do You Want Better Relationships?

Of course you do. You are a woman and you are in a relationship with a man.

Strange creature, huh? You would like your guy to communicate more? You want him to understand you better? You want him to kiss more, or perhaps one of the 1000 other little items that bug girls in relationships?

Well, if you want a better relationship – here is the first rule.

Relationships are created and take continual active work to improve them. A relationship either gets better or worse, there is no static state in relationships – they either get better or worse.

If you create them, they get better. If you stop creating them, they get worse. It’s that simple. And it applies to ALL relationships- work, boyfriend, kids, girlfriends.

Now my observation is that MOST women already know this and MOST men either DON’T know it, or if they do, they don’t practice it. But there are enough women who either don’t know it or don’t know how to go about it, that it is worth an essay for women.

So then exactly WHAT are we talking about when we talk about RELATIONSHIPS and CREATE?

Well, first of all, let’s make a distinction between casual social relationships and working productive relationships.

Webster tell us that a relationship is :

The state of being mutually or reciprocally interested

(as in social or commercial matters).

However, it is not a very good definition, because you still have a relationship with that “boss” at work who you don’t like and are definitely NOT interested in and they are not interested in you, or that teacher at school who is NOT interested in you in the least or you him.

“A relationship exists with anyone that you co-act with towards a specific goal.”

If that “goal” is social, then of course anyone you hang with to have fun or entertainment or whatever with- you are relating to.

If that “goal” is business, then anyone you are co-acting with to get a paycheck or to make money, or whatever you do, is in a relationship with you. And of course that “teacher” you aren’t the least bit interested in and who likewise is not interested in you is co-acting with you towards giving you a grade for the course – which is both your purpose and his.

So this is a little better working definition for our purposes. If you are not working with someone towards some purpose – be it social (talking, having fun), familial (co-mingling, finances, sexual fun, raising children) or business (getting paid for the work you do or products or services that you produce) you are NOT in a relationship with that person.

So when you first meet a guy and are attracted to him, you are trying to establish a relationship, whether it is just for a fling (sexual fun), ongoing friendship only (companionship and sexual fun) or something more serious – like all of the above plus living together and sharing finances and raising children together.

You are hoping he will be attracted to you too, and then that will lead to hanging out fun and eventually it will lead to a serious relationship – a boyfreind or a husband.

So what is CREATING a relationship? CREATING a relationship is doing those things which increase attraction (both physical and mental/spiritual), communication, understanding, mutual survival, agreements between you, and the number and or quality of the products you produce together.

When you are NOT creating a relationship the attraction decreases (physical and/or mental/spiritual), the communication worsens, the understanding and mutual survival lessens, the agreements between you lessen and/or are broken, and the number and quality of products you produce together go down.

SO Let’s translate this into actions you can do.

Relationships

Well, you probably already know how to CREATE a relationship. Most girls do it when they are romancing the guy to get him. You know, you cook for him, clean up his apartment, have sex like a maniac, hang out with his crude friends, tolerate his constant innuendos and groping, watch Monday night football and action flicks even though they bore you out of your skull. GET IT GIRLS – you know what I am talking about – CREATING is ALL those things you do to GET THE GUY!

Now the problem is most girls do all kinds of things they DON’T like just to get the guy, then after they get him and feel comfortable in their position – THEY STOP doing all those things that they don’t like.

Now let’s step back a moment – you might be one of those hot girls that doesn’t have to do a thing for guys. You get them to do all sorts of things that you like just for the honor of your presence.  You may not even have to do the sex thing very often or very good. You are so hot it doesn’t matter.

But are you getting Mr. Right or just a bunch of guys you don’t like? If you want Mr. Right you are going to have to romance him. You know,  the cooking and the cleaning and the sex thing.  So let’s not fool ourselves here. We are talking about what you have to do to get the kind of guy you want – and unless you are some shallow woman who just wants a guy with money, you are going to have to romance the guy you want to get him – no matter how good looking you are.

SO back to my theme. You do all these things you don’t like to get the guy YOU WANT, you get him, and then you stop doing the things that you did to get him because you really don t’ like doing those things.

PROBLEM IS GIRLS, that is the death toll for relationships.

WHATEVER you did to GET THE Guy you have to do MORE OF IT, more frequently, and in new and better ways to CREATE the relationship and KEEP him.

So, if you watched football games once a week when you were courting him (and he loved it) continue to watch football games with him once a week when you are married, even when you have children – hire a babysitter. Romance your husband. But you may need to vary it – go to a live game. Take him to the Superbowl. Get the idea.

If you had wild sex twice a day when you were romancing him, you had better continue to have wild sex when you are married. SO maybe you have children and can’t do it every day, but you had better have a wild weekend every once in a while, or a date night once a week, and that passion you had to get him better be there now no matter how mad you might be that he didn’t do the dishes….

There are probably dozens of little things (or big things) like this you did to get him. CONTINUE to do them. Do them better. Find new ways of doing them. And find new ways to attract him. You are going to have to do this continuously, and if you want to keep him for the rest of your life, then you are going to have to do this for the rest of your life.

MEN are easy to attract and seduce with CREATE. But if you chose to attract and seduce a man with create, you have to continue to seduce him with create as long as you want that relationship to continue.

ATTRACTION is a physical energy flow. It is not something that someone has forever – just because they were attracted to you on one or several occasions, or even long periods of time. ATTRACTION has to be continuously created. To put it simply, Whatever you did to ATTRACT the guy in the first place (including seemingly negative things like being aloof and “hard to get” if that is what you did), you have to continue to do that to CREATE a relationship. If you continuously attract the guy you are in a relationship with, the relationship will grow, get closer, be more fun and more productive. And oh yeah, he’ll do all kinds of things for you just like he used to (if not more).

Now this is a simple description of the process. This simple explanation will help some of you, but others will need a lot more details and examples to handle complex situations. There is a lot more I can tell you about this subject but it would take pages and pages and pages.

In “Dating To Relating For Women” the book I go into much more detail on “attraction” and “how to create attraction,” “how to create a relationship,” “romance,” “seduction,” and what to do if you are in a relationship with someone you didn’t qualify properly and perhaps is the wrong person for you.

I give specific examples and technique.

How To Create Better Relationships (c) 2010 Dating To Relating, Inc.

Manage A Relationship

Now what do I mean by manage?

Well Webster give us a workable definition:

“to exercise executive, administrative, and supervisory direction of”

To put it in a way you might understand better. To mange something is to direct it so that you achieve your purpose. So if our purpose is to “Create a Better Relationship”, how do we manage our activities so that we achieve our purpose.

Well, the best way to mange anything and to control the direction towards a purpose is by a combination of observing the statistics of the activity and planning off of that.

So the question is what is the most important statistic for a WOMAN to watch and monitor with respect to relationships. WRITE THIS DOWN, because you are not going to get it from any of the other Dating Guru’s. The statistic you want to monitor is MOTION. Specifically MOTION TOWARD and MOTION AWAY.

You won’t believe how important the observation of this statistic is until you start doing it. It will change your life. It is not only involved in men/women relationships, it is involved in any relationship you can think of (for example, I use it extensively in sales).

Now, when it comes to men, you should be watching MOTION from day one. I discovered the importance of this when I was 25 and doing the bar scene nightly. (Now forgive me if I talk about my exploits with women for a while as I do so to make a point.) You see, I was very shy and just stood there for about 2 months looking at people and talking to no one.

After a while, I began to watch the MOTION involved in interactions rather than the content (what people say) of interactions. That is when I became suddenly successful.

Now the articles below were written for men, but there value is in demonstrating how the observation of motion can make you successful with the opposite sex. I recommend that if you haven’t already read my three articles on the bar scene that you do so now:

Would You Like To Know How To Pick Up Women In Bars And Clubs?

( http://datingtorelating.com/pick_up_women_bars_and_clubs___article)

How To Meet Women In Bars and Clubs.

( http://datingtorelating.com/meet_women_bars_and_clubs___article)

Do You Want To Know How To Attract Women In Bars and Clubs?

( http://datingtorelating.com/attract_women_bars_and_clubs___article )

These are excellent studies in situational techniques derived from observing motion and I will refer to them below.

Now what most guys do in the bar scene is some arbitrary motion pattern they learned from some GURU without observing the motion at hand, or they do their own arbitrary motion pattern. The arbitrary pattern will work a percentage of times, so most guys, if they hit up on enough girls with any kind of motion, will eventually find someone it works on.

Relationship

But what makes observational technique and strategies superior is that you are not doing some arbitrary. You are doing the exact thing that works and you win 100 percent of the time across ALL Motion patterns, and ALL personality types.

There are only three basic motions a person can do with respect to you. 1) Move toward you, 2) move away from you, and 3) stay in the same place with respect to you (no motion).

Now when I talk about motion here with respect to a man/woman relationship, I am talking about motion towards you in many ways, like:

1) physically (a man moves closer to you, touches you, etc.)

2) mentally (agreement would be a motion toward, disagreement a motion away)

3) emotionally (liking you and feeling comfortable would be a motion toward and disliking you, feeling uncomfortable with you would be a motion away)

4) communicatively (wanting to talk to you would be a motion toward, not wanting to talk to you would be a motion away).

Then there are different channels of communication. A man could lean into you very sexily, touch you lightly, and tell you what a bitch you are. If you only pay attention to the content, you could be blown away. If you only pay attention to the touch, he could blow you away. But if you pay attention to the complex communications and all the motion vectors involved, you would know what to do.

Now these three basic motions combined with different channels of communication can get very complex as not only are there different channels of communication but there are motions within motions.

Now in my book “Dating to Relating” I teach you all about advanced and complex motions, but for the sake of this essay if you just start observing the basic motions you will be way ahead of most women.

So let’s get back to relationships. If you are in a relationship, the guy is either moving TOWARD you – physically, emotionally, mentally, and communicatively,or he is staying in the same place with respect to you, or he is moving AWAY.

THESE ARE YOUR STATISTICS that you use to mange your relationship. You watch and observe what is he doing and the direction of his motion.

If he wants LESS sex, he is moving away. If he doesn’t talk to you as much, he is moving away. If he is getting bored with you, when he use to be enthralled he is moving away. If he wants “to talk” about things, he is starting to move away, but he is simultaneously moving toward you (wanting to communicate about it.)

Now what do you do about it?

REAL SIMPLE – observe what makes him move toward you, CREATE more of that. Observe what makes him move away from you and STOP doing that.

Now if you just do those two simple actions on a daily basis you can make any relationship better and continue to grow and you can repair a relationship that has gone astray.

OBSERVATION, however, is not always as easy as it sounds. I have a friend who I have been telling all this stuff to for years, and he still hasn’t developed the ability to observe. One night we went to a restaurant together, and I flirted with the waitress lightly. I said something like, “You have pretty eyes.”

As soon as I said that, she leaned back a little, away from me, and I knew immediately she probably had a boyfriend or something. Her motion was telling me I would have to approach her on a much lower gradient if I was interested in continuing.

Well my friend didn’t get it. He thought it was a great lead in for him to hit up on her and started saying all kinds of stuff to her. She began getting quite uncomfortable with us, and I finally had to kick my friend under the table to get him to stop.

When she left, I asked him, “Didn’t you see her lean away from me when I said that?” Well he admitted he did SEE it, but he didn’t OBSERVE it or know what it meant. So he jumped in at the wrong gradient. I got him to stop and I made the girl relax when she came back by saying, “Don’t take us seriously, we flirt with ALL the girls.” She laughed and then totally relaxed with us.

The point of this story being that some people SEE motion, but DON’T observe it or interpret it correctly. If that is you, just KEEP practicing until you get it right.

The only other thing you will have to take into account in all this, is your personal integrity. Sometime when you start to really observe people and seeing what makes them move toward you, or away from you, you get into a conflict of values, interests, opinions, etc.

You may find yourself in a position that you don’t want to do the things that work and make him move toward you, and he doesn’t want to do the things that you would like to do to make him move toward you.

When you find yourself in that position, you are perhaps in the wrong relationship for you and you guys should sit down and really discuss your values and where each of you want to go with your lives and your relationship to see if it is worth continuing.

So now you have two very big basics with respect to “relationship”:

You have to continually create a relationship for it to continue to get better. And you have to observe if what you are creating is making the guy move towards you or away from you. Do only those things that make him move towards you.

If you do this correctly your guy will fall deeper and deeper in love with you as time passes. He will start communicating better and you will fall deeper and deeper in love with him. (Provided you got the right guy to begin with!)

How To Manage “Creating A Better Relationship” (c) 2010 Dating To Relating, Inc.