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Kissing – The Five Secrets of Being An Excellent Kisser

Interesting topic. Girls need it, love it, guys like it for awhile (about 5 minutes…. )

Well, I like it. Always have. Always will. But unless you and your partner know how to kiss it can be an so-so experience.

In a recent poll that I read, 90% of women stated they wished their partner kissed them more or with more passion. In another poll of men and women, 65% of people interviewed felt their partner did not have a good kissing technique. If we extrapolate those figures we can see about 40% of men are not happy with their partner’s kissing technique either.

So what’s the deal?

Well the deal is, kissing is more than a physical act. At its height it is an expression of a mental/ emotional / spiritual / and physical bond.

So, girls,  have you ever have an orgasm just by kissing? Well if you haven’t you need to educate your man in the manly art of kissing. (For that you need to send them to DatingToRealting.com – our men’s site.)

Now not everyone can have an orgasm just by kissing, but I have both had and given orgasms fully clothed – no bumping and grinding – just by kissing. (I have also both given and received orgasms fully clothed by “hugging” – but that is another article!) And if you can’t have an orgasm, no worry, anyone can achieve a very pleasant near-orgasmic state that can go on and on for hours that most prefer to an orgasm anyway.

The secret to being a good kisser, is:

1) have excellent hygiene – no one wants to kiss someone who smells or tastes bad…

2) finding the right partner who can mentally /emotionally /spiritually /physically bond with you (this doesn’t mean someone you can marry…even a one night stand could be a person that could mentally / emotionally / spiritually / physically bond with you for the moment.)

3) take your time, be relaxed and comfortable before beginning

4) use plenty of foreplay before kissing (yes, kissing has foreplay too) to create the mood for “kissing”.

5) don’t be in a rush to get to the next step and enjoy tantalizing and being tantalized by your lovers lips.

Now some people think that the secret to kissing is in the “technique”. You can find plenty of books on our DatingToRelating.com site about “technique, but the truth of it is, if you have all of the above in place, you will find that you “naturally” know what to do…..and your actions will come naturally and not “awkwardly”….

Do you remember that first “Kiss” – that first “date”? Pretty awkward wasn’t it? That’s because we are all trying to do what we think we are suppose to do – maybe even what we see in the movies. But movies don’t really emulate real life, do they?

First rule if you are dating is, you don’t have to “Kiss” on a first date, or even kiss someone goodnight. And if you do kiss, it doesn’t have to be on the lips or a “nose clasher”. Kissing is perceived as “foreplay” and we all know “foreplay” especially for women is essential as a warm up to sex. But kissing is not the lowest gradient of foreplay and kissing on the lips is not the lowest gradient of kissing, so believe it or not there are “foreplay” gradients that are necessary sometimes to warm one up and get one ready for a simple kiss on the lips, and “French kissing?” Yeah, that is best led into with a little foreplay too.

What are the foreplay gradients that lead up to kissing?

Romantic talk, is one.  Hand holding, light touch (like touching someone on the arm or leg as you speak to them), footsies, brushing up against each other lightly as you walk. Hugging.

What kinds of kisses are foreplay to “lip smacking”? Light kisses on the hand, the wrist, the neck, the ear, the forehead, the top of the head, the side of the face – playful kisses from behind or the side or above. How does one kiss from above? Well obviously not when you are standing face to face in an embrace, but throughout the date – when you come back from the restroom and you are above and behind your date, you can take your hand and run it gently through your dates hair around the neck area and then plant a playful kiss on top of the head, or on the side of the cheek or the side of their neck.

The can take your dates hand while dining and holding it with both your hands raise it to your lips and lightly kiss their finger tips or back of the hand – do it slowly and sensually – one, two even three times, then put their hand back down and caress it with both of your hands.  Do this matter-of-factly as they talk. It is quite a flirt!

If you are walking together and your date walks towards something to look at ahead of you, you can catch up, caress them from behind and give them a nice sensual kiss on the side of the face, or neck, along with a warm gentle hug.

First Date?

Well if you are an experienced lover, the first date kiss is not the most important thing to shoot for. Talk, sensuality, comfort…when I judge a lover, I judge them in a comfortable setting. In a restaurant parking lot, etc. may not be a fair test…. I nice hug and a cheek kiss is a good start for a first date. The whole point of a first date is to get a second . Now it is a lot harder for a girl to scare a guy off then for a guy to scare a girl off, but if a girl is not sensual, if I am not attracted to her, if her breathe or skin smells, she might scare me off by being too quick to force a “kiss”.

Here is an example, I am not a smoker and say a girl is, and she if real forceful and wants to make out with me on a first date…..well I don’t know her that well and she is forceful and her breathe smells terrible and her saliva tastes terrible, well she may get a short make out session from me but not a second date. If the same girl took her time and I get to know her and I liked everything else about her, then I might be willing to work through the “smoking” issue with her… I might tell her the truth that it was a deal killer for me but if she was willing to give it up…I would hang in there while she works through it.

Most of my first dates don’t end in a scrumptious kiss, but ninety percent  of them do end in a second date…. Most of the time I don’t even begin to make out with a girl until the 3rd of 4th date. But having said that I am not a prude. I have gone “all the way” if things were right on a first date plenty of times. Every one is unique, and human interaction is unique. Sometimes things just happen….but never force them.

I have even had women and girls test me. I went out with this one girl once and our first two dates we just talked and got to know each other. Hug and cheek kiss goodnight. Then on the third date she said I was definitely a prospect but she had to know one thing about me. Then she said “kiss me” in the middle of the restaurant while we were eating dinner. So I did and we were together for about 4 years after that and had a very good mental/emotional/physical relationship. But the point of it is, kissing is important. It was one of the tests I had to pass, but that test came on the third date not the first….because what makes “kissing” good…. what makes “kissing” enjoyable is having the prior mental/ emotional/ spiritual / connection.

Now inexperienced lovers and teenagers will probably feel more pressure to kiss on a first date as that’s what they see in the movies. I certainly did when I was a teen. I felt that I was suppose to and I felt awkward I didn’t know how.  But in all actuality everything is better when you are relaxed and comfortable with what you are doing….even when you are a teenager and you have never done it before. That first kiss is much more enjoyable, less stressful, and comes more naturally when you are relaxed and comfortable with your partner and surroundings.

That first make out session

Sometimes a first date or third date or whatever, leads to a “test kiss or kisses” in a parking lot, or my car. Some people just want to see how you kiss as part of the interview process. Other times that first date or whatever leads to a full blown make-out session (or more) in the parking lot, or my car, but nine times out of ten that make-out session usually happens and is best experienced in a relaxed setting, that could be a dark corner or booth at a bar or club, in the back seat of a parked car,  or when you know someone well enough to go to their place or invite them to yours,

So how does that one to two hour first make out session come along….well usually we are both relaxed with each other, feeling a mental/spiritual/emotional bond of some sort mixed in with a physical attraction. We have had plenty of hand holding and light touching contact on our date and now we settle down in the living room or bedroom of one of our places, and the touch and light affection continues. Snuggling is initiated and at some point someone starts kissing someone lightly on the cheek or neck or hand but now it turns into a continuous action – for example, kissing and continuing to kiss a girl lightly on her face, her neck, her hand, her shoulder, and then lightly on the lips. The light lips kisses, move around again, the face, the lips the shoulder, the neck each time coming back to the lips for a longer and more passionate experience. As you “turn on” your partner with this sort of “teasing” technique and your are also turned on, kissing becomes more and more natural and less and less thought about what to do is involved. If you have developed some sort of mental/emotional/ spiritual bond with your partner, kissing becomes a coordinated “dance” where you each respond to the other’s motion, and if your partner is “physically” compatible – they smell and taste great- this becomes a very pleasurable romantic dance that can go on for hours and hours.

Now I should make a note that some people are just not physically compatible kissers. Some people’s body chemistry makes them smell or taste horrible to another. If you really like a person and you have the mental / emotional / spiritual connection too, sometime you can find a cure. I had one girl friend who was like that – she smelled and tasted horrible to me. But I really liked her. She had done a lot of drugs and I got her to do a detox program which got rid of the bad smell and taste. When you really like someone you will go that extra mile to make it work. When you don’t, you won’t.

What is the difference between the physical “turn on” from kissing and the emotional / spiritual/ mental / physical turn on from a real bonding with your partner? And how do you tell the difference?

Well when you are just being physically turned on by the sexual activity – you will find yourself either ready to move to the next stage very quickly or you partner is trying to move to the next stage very quickly before you are ready. You may also find yourself bored or irritated that your partner is continuing or trying to speed up the motion.

When you have the complete mental / emotional/ spiritual / physical experience down then you exist in a pleasure zone that you would be happy to maintain for ever….neither you nor you partner desires to move to the next stage….this is where “kissing” becomes orgasmic, as you find yourself in a zone that is so pleasurable you would be happy to maintain it forever.

Now anyone might feel that way no matter how bad it actually is the first time they are making out with someone they find really attractive. That would be sort of a “false” pleasure that will rapidly disappear if there is no mental / emotional / spiritual connection because you have achieved your goal. What I am talking about is a connection that even if you are five years into a relationship with your lover you will feel the exact same way. It is because of the mental / emotional /spiritual connection.

This result is long make-out sessions – hour or two – that are satisfying in themselves to the point of orgasm…. or the “dance” so to speak will move on to the next level from a mutual change of motion….no one hurrying or pushing the other to the next step.

I guess you could say this is the difference between “the sexual act” and “making love” – a difference that I have learned very few people experience – “making love” – even by kissing is a spiritually rewarding experience.

Unfortunately, some people never have this experience either kissing nor through the whole sex act. I myself had a relationship with my first girlfriend that lasted 4 years without ever experiencing anything but the physical orgasm. It wasn’t until I was divorced and met someone I was compatible with emotionally/ mentally/ spiritually that I experienced a real “orgasm” or “making love”. Until you have experienced it, it is a little hard to describe, and since a physical orgasm does in fact feel somewhat good, you can fool yourself into thinking you are having good sex. But if you find yourself trying to get it over with or have an orgasm to end it, then you probably aren’t experiencing “love making”.

When you have the mental / emotional / spiritual connection the interesting thing is you might still find yourself having an affectionate romantic relationship with this person during and even after a break up. The connection might still be there even though you are having other compatibility issues.

Whereas if you are only connected to this person physically, the physical relationship worsens as times goes by often resulting in no or very little romantic and physical contact

Sometimes people aren’t compatible lovers at first. But you don’t always have to hear “bells ringing” on that first kiss. If you have the mental  emotional / spiritual compatibility then you will have good communication and be able to evolve physical compatibility. One of my best lovers ever was someone who I didn’t click with physically for about six months. But we had the mental /emotional / spiritual bond and we continually evolved and improved our physical relationship until we evolved into splendidly compatible lovers. But if you don’t have this multi-faceted compatibility and you are just kissing someone because they are cute then you had better hear those bells go off right away because its not going to get any better…. and eventually even those bells will disappear.

Most couples, and most women I have talked to, who have had a physically based sexual experience only,  have reported that the sexual aspect of their relationship was not satisfying and slowly erodes into less and less satisfying activity. Often married couples only report having sex once a month or so, and “kissing”, well make out sessions will disappear when the courtship disappears. Take a look at the opening paragraph of this article again where I report that a recent poll of women shows 90% of women stated they wished their partner kissed them more or with more passion.

What does that tell you?

For a healthy relationship, courtship should never disappear. Whatever you did to attract your partner, you must continue to do forever. That is the only way to “create” a romantic relationship. Each member of the romantic team should find new and creative ways to continually court, flirt with, and romance their lover forever.

Most women I have talked to have reported to me that they did not experience orgasms for years after first having sex. And when a woman experiences the “love making” orgasm as opposed to the “physical” orgasm, I have been told it is on the order of 10 times better.

And most women that have experienced multiple orgasms with me as a result of “love making”, expressed surprise as they didn’t know they were capable of multiple orgasms – the myth, of course, is that women can’t have multiple orgasms. Well the truth is that both women and men can have multiple orgasms, but sadly most couples don’t really bother to “make love” because the spiritual /emotional / mental bond that can help stabilize and grow a physical relationship over time, was never there to begin with and instead the physical dynamic of the sex drive forces them to couple into relationships based on a physical need only, which being ultimately “not satisfying enough” results in a sexual activity that dwindles less and less over time, and sets very low standards for people who think they are having an enjoyable orgasms or “make-out” session.

Kissing and  the sex act….kissing is as important during the sex act as before. It enhances the spiritual connection and deepens the orgasm, but you should be cautioned that there are people who don’t like kissing that much during sex. I know women for example that get so focused on their orgasm that they don’t want any distractions…..and sometimes two people just don’t fit right making it too hard to both kiss and have sex at the same time. I discuss this more in other articles and books. So if you have a partner who is good with the “kissing” thing at every point up until this one…well just go with the flow.

Afterplay

Kissing and hugging are very important after play techniques. But many people – and I guess you girls probably know men are worse at this than women – forget all about “afterplay” .

Again the source of forgetting is not having a mental / emotional / spiritual and physical connection or bind with your partner in the first place. So once the “physical” act is done, it’s off to sleep or “see you later”. When you have this multi-faceted bond, you again are making love, you are in a zone that you do not want to end, you could kiss and hug your partner all night long….so after play is just a natural continuation of foreplay and the sex act, now after both partners have orgasmed, there is just a closeness that again is expressed by hugging and kissing, often times this “kissing” session can go for another hour or two.

I have had some partners where we consciously had to make rules about our love making other wise we would have never gotten any sleep. But even for married couples a good “love making” session – even if it does go all night long – once every week or two is a healthy way to continue and further your mental /emotional/ spiritual bond.

So “kissing” there you have it. My treatise on “kissing” for women.

But I know that 90% of you reading this aren’t currently being satisfied by your “kissing” partner. So you really ought to assess whether this is a person you have or potentially can have a mental/ emotional / spiritual / physical connection with because if you don’t you are never going to experience the joys of “kissing” and “love-making” so you ought to confront it now before it gets too late. But if you do have that kind of connection and it is just that your partner needs a little education…. then send him to DatingToRelating.com where we teach men how to treat a women right – mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Mr. L. Rx.


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