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How To Create a Better Relationship

Do You Want Better Relationships?

Of course you do. You are a woman and you are in a relationship with a man.

Strange creature, huh? You would like your guy to communicate more? You want him to understand you better? You want him to kiss more, or perhaps one of the 1000 other little items that bug girls in relationships?Better Relationships

Well, if you want a better relationship – here is the first rule.

Relationships are created and take continual active work to improve them. A relationship either gets better or worse, there is no static state in relationships – they either get better or worse.

If you create them, they get better. If you stop creating them, they get worse. It’s that simple. And it applies to ALL relationships- work, boyfriend, kids, girlfriends.

Now my observation is that MOST women already know this and MOST men either DON’T know it, or if they do, they don’t practice it. But there are enough women who either don’t know it or don’t know how to go about it, that it is worth an essay for women.

So then exactly WHAT are we talking about when we talk about RELATIONSHIPS and CREATE?

Well, first of all, let’s make a distinction between casual social relationships and working productive relationships.

Webster tell us that a relationship is :

The state of being mutually or reciprocally interested

(as in social or commercial matters).

However, it is not a very good definition, because you still have a relationship with that “boss” at work who you don’t like and are definitely NOT interested in and they are not interested in you, or that teacher at school who is NOT interested in you in the least or you him.

“A relationship exists with anyone that you co-act with towards a specific goal.”

If that “goal” is social, then of course anyone you hang with to have fun or entertainment or whatever with- you are relating to.

If that “goal” is business, then anyone you are co-acting with to get a paycheck or to make money, or whatever you do, is in a relationship with you. And of course that “teacher” you aren’t the least bit interested in and who likewise is not interested in you is co-acting with you towards giving you a grade for the course – which is both your purpose and his.

So this is a little better working definition for our purposes. If you are not working with someone towards some purpose – be it social (talking, having fun), familial (co-mingling, finances, sexual fun, raising children) or business (getting paid for the work you do or products or services that you produce) you are NOT in a relationship with that person.

So when you first meet a guy and are attracted to him, you are trying to establish a relationship, whether it is just for a fling (sexual fun), ongoing friendship only (companionship and sexual fun) or something more serious – like all of the above plus living together and sharing finances and raising children together.

You are hoping he will be attracted to you too, and then that will lead to hanging out fun and eventually it will lead to a serious relationship – a boyfreind or a husband.

So what is CREATING a relationship? CREATING a relationship is doing those things which increase attraction (both physical and mental/spiritual), communication, understanding, mutual survival, agreements between you, and the number and or quality of the products you produce together.

When you are NOT creating a relationship the attraction decreases (physical and/or mental/spiritual), the communication worsens, the understanding and mutual survival lessens, the agreements between you lessen and/or are broken, and the number and quality of products you produce together go down.

SO Let’s translate this into actions you can do.


Well, you probably already know how to CREATE a relationship. Most girls do it when they are romancing the guy to get him. You know, you cook for him, clean up his apartment, have sex like a maniac, hang out with his crude friends, tolerate his constant innuendos and groping, watch Monday night football and action flicks even though they bore you out of your skull. GET IT GIRLS – you know what I am talking about – CREATING is ALL those things you do to GET THE GUY!

Now the problem is most girls do all kinds of things they DON’T like just to get the guy, then after they get him and feel comfortable in their position – THEY STOP doing all those things that they don’t like.

Now let’s step back a moment – you might be one of those hot girls that doesn’t have to do a thing for guys. You get them to do all sorts of things that you like just for the honor of your presence.  You may not even have to do the sex thing very often or very good. You are so hot it doesn’t matter.

But are you getting Mr. Right or just a bunch of guys you don’t like? If you want Mr. Right you are going to have to romance him. You know,  the cooking and the cleaning and the sex thing.  So let’s not fool ourselves here. We are talking about what you have to do to get the kind of guy you want – and unless you are some shallow woman who just wants a guy with money, you are going to have to romance the guy you want to get him – no matter how good looking you are.

SO back to my theme. You do all these things you don’t like to get the guy YOU WANT, you get him, and then you stop doing the things that you did to get him because you really don t’ like doing those things.

PROBLEM IS GIRLS, that is the death toll for relationships.

WHATEVER you did to GET THE Guy you have to do MORE OF IT, more frequently, and in new and better ways to CREATE the relationship and KEEP him.

So, if you watched football games once a week when you were courting him (and he loved it) continue to watch football games with him once a week when you are married, even when you have children – hire a babysitter. Romance your husband. But you may need to vary it – go to a live game. Take him to the Superbowl. Get the idea.

If you had wild sex twice a day when you were romancing him, you had better continue to have wild sex when you are married. SO maybe you have children and can’t do it every day, but you had better have a wild weekend every once in a while, or a date night once a week, and that passion you had to get him better be there now no matter how mad you might be that he didn’t do the dishes….

There are probably dozens of little things (or big things) like this you did to get him. CONTINUE to do them. Do them better. Find new ways of doing them. And find new ways to attract him. You are going to have to do this continuously, and if you want to keep him for the rest of your life, then you are going to have to do this for the rest of your life.

MEN are easy to attract and seduce with CREATE. But if you chose to attract and seduce a man with create, you have to continue to seduce him with create as long as you want that relationship to continue.

ATTRACTION is a physical energy flow. It is not something that someone has forever – just because they were attracted to you on one or several occasions, or even long periods of time. ATTRACTION has to be continuously created. To put it simply, Whatever you did to ATTRACT the guy in the first place (including seemingly negative things like being aloof and “hard to get” if that is what you did), you have to continue to do that to CREATE a relationship. If you continuously attract the guy you are in a relationship with, the relationship will grow, get closer, be more fun and more productive. And oh yeah, he’ll do all kinds of things for you just like he used to (if not more).

Now this is a simple description of the process. This simple explanation will help some of you, but others will need a lot more details and examples to handle complex situations. There is a lot more I can tell you about this subject but it would take pages and pages and pages.

In “Dating To Relating For Women” the book I go into much more detail on “attraction” and “how to create attraction,” “how to create a relationship,” “romance,” “seduction,” and what to do if you are in a relationship with someone you didn’t qualify properly and perhaps is the wrong person for you.

I give specific examples and technique.

How To Create Better Relationships (c) 2010 Dating To Relating, Inc.

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