How Women Blow It With A Good Man
After reviewing some of the questions that women have asked on our website, one of the most frequently asked questions is how to get a high quality, successful, loving man, and how not to blow it with him on a date.
Well, I think I am pretty qualified to answer this, after all about ninety percent of the women that I meet on a first date what to go out with me again. I, however, only respond to about as little as a half of a percent of them (1 out of 200) to as many as ten percent of them (1 out of 10).
Now, I am in my fifties, but I am still relatively attractive, in good shape, financially secure, and I am very easy to get along with. I am confident, experienced, and mature.
When I was 18, I was pretty hot. Women would try to pick me up, honk their horns, stop their cars and talk to me, stop the elevator and try to make out with me, etc. (No I am not kidding.) But at 18, as soon as I would open my mouth, I would lose the girl. In fact, I was twenty years old before I could sucker some poor girl into being my first girlfriend.
Today in my fifties, I am more successful with dating women than I have ever been. I usually don’t date anyone over 35, with the majority of my dating being with women 28-35. I am looking to get married again and have more children. But I am quite PICKY!
Without question, women like me now first and foremost because of my personality, not my looks. The rest of the package doesn’t hurt. When I open my mouth now, they listen.
I have turned down 4 or 5 marriage proposals in the last 4 or 5 years, and I turn down “hot women” that other men would die for all the time.
I am a dad with 4 kids and when married, I never cheated on my wife.
I am romantic, love foreplay, and am an experienced lover. I love to listen to my women and have meaningful conversation. I’d love to spend an afternoon shopping in the mall, holding hands, touching, and whispering little flirtatious nothings in her ear.
In short, I have a lot of qualities that women look for in the ideal man. I am now the kind of guy that women have to compete for. So if I can tell you what women do to blow it with me, this might be a good clue on how to get a good man.
So the first thing that I look for when I meet a woman is “chemistry”. You know that undefined quality that attracts you to someone. Honestly, for me, it is not there most of the time. When it is there, it is a combination of aesthetics and personality, with the personality getting the biggest vote. However, aesthetics is an automatic disqualifier.
If I find you unattractive or repulsive, forget anything anyone has told you about how to get a man. Give it up. It just won’t happen. Nothing you can do about it. If I am neutral towards you or slightly or greatly attracted, then yes, you have a shot of working your magic on me.
So moral of this first story. If you are the kind of woman who considers food more important than your looks, or are too lazy to do a little exercise to stay in shape, then that alone could blow it with me – move you out of the neutral category into the unattractive one. Your personality is more important to me than your looks, but again, if I find you unattractive or repulsive you’ll get instantly disqualified from consideration – you will get my “let’s be friends” routine. I won’t be interested.
Now if you have been reading my writings you know I am big on personality compatibility. So obviously I am looking for someone who is compatible with my personality, someone I can talk to easily, etc. Next to chemistry this is the second biggest thing I look at when meeting a date. I won’t go into the particular personality traits that I like, however, as they are not universal attributes. Only applicable to me. But what is universal is that everyone is looking for women they get along with. Someone they are compatible with.
Some women have blown it with me by playing the dating game that some of those female “dating gurus” advise. You know, don’t let me know you are interested. Don’t call me back the first time I call. Stand me up, or arbitrarily cancel a date every once in a while, all that kind of stuff.
That won’t work on me. I am valuable real estate. If I don’t get that you are interested in me at all or you play the wrong kind of games with me, I’ll be gone very quickly. There are lots of women who are interested in me, so why should I waste my time with someone who is rude and inconsiderate. I don’t have any problem wasting even the most beautiful women. There are plenty of beautiful women. I want a beautiful woman with a great personality – not just a beautiful woman.
That is not to say I want you crawling all over me and telling me how much you like me and calling me up fifty times a day to make another date either (yes, these things have happened to me too and obviously these kinds of personalities are deal breakers.)
I want a women who is a little bit aloof, a little bit of a challenge. But you can do that by just putting the breaks on intimacy. THAT is how you play games with a man and establish control with him. You don’t have to do stupid things like not answer the phone when I call and cancel dates, etc. to be a challenge. That won’t work with me. If you are going to play games, play romantic games. Be a little hard to get in bed. DO NOT be rude and inconsiderate!
Clamming up won’t work, either. I want a woman who communicates. Tell me who you are. Tell me what you think. Tell me what you like. Ask me questions, show me that you are interested in me, too.
Be yourself. If you are not yourself, I will detect it and that will lose me real quick. Even if I ultimately don’t feel compatible with who you are, you stand a better chance of getting me if you are honest and up front about who you are.
If we start dating, and having a relationship, then you had better create it. If you don’t that will lose me real quick. Making me do all the work won’t work either. Contribute to the relationship, contribute to the create.
Be sensual, not sexual. This is a big one. About five years ago, I once went out with a women who was on the cover of playboy magazine for a while. She was very close to what most men would consider a perfect “10″. Better yet, she was a real nice person with a great personality. So why didn’t I fall in love and marry her?
Well, her approach to sex, was to take off all her clothes, say, “Let’s have sex” and lay there while I do all the work. Well this may sound great if you are 18 years old, and when I was 18 years old I would never have believed I could not be interested in a woman so beautiful.
But the facts are I like romance and sensuality. If you have to play games with a man, play romantic games, sensual games. Throwing yourself at me won’t get me - in fact it will probably lose me very quickly. And if you have “no clue” about sex, you had better tell me that up front and say you want to learn. Because laying there and having me do all the work (no matter how beautiful you are) is a complete turn off for me.
And when I say don’t throw yourself at me, it doesn’t mean that we have to go three months without having sex either. I am talking about the quality of the interaction. We could even have sex the very first time we meet. But if we do, it better be romantic. There had better be 5 hours of making out with our clothes on and petting leading up to the sex act. Whip off your clothes and throw yourself at me on a first date,well I don’t care if you are a 10, I’ll probably do you, but you’ll probably never see me again.
Women have also blown it with me by over-reaching. Smothering me with compliments and attention. Calling me up too much and wanting to see me too frequently. There is a natural attraction between people. Sometimes it takes a while but you start liking a person more and more. I’ve even had sexual relationships not get real good and in sync until a year or so later.
Do not over reach. Do not call a guy or email him ten times in a row if he doesn’t respond to the first call or email. It could be that he was just busy and he might have called you back. But after four or five phone calls, you’ll be history.
I’ve also had women blow it with me by not paying attention to timing. They didn’t respond to me when I made my move then time went by and they suddenly decided I was the guy for them, but it was too late. I had moved on and was no longer interested.
Another way women have blown it with me is by being too self-centered. When I meet a woman, I am very interested in getting to know her. I listen. I ask questions and I listen some more. I can go months without talking much about myself. Women do not usually meet guys like me who listen, so I can understand it if they indulge in talking about themselves a bit too much in the beginning. But at a certain point, a woman should show some interest in getting to know me and what I do and what I am about, etc. If it is all about her all the time, well…it is just not going to work.
I did not think I would have to mention this last one, but I probably should. It is more like something a girl would tell guys. But it has happened to me enough that it is worthy of mention.
Be cleanly and well groomed.
For girls I have had just two areas of cleanliness that have blown me away. Those are the mouth and shall we say “south of the border.” If you smoke, and your love interest doesn’t, realize that your breathe will absolutely STINK to him. Also I might add that cleanliness applies to inside your body as well as the outside. Some people are impeccably clean on the outside. But bad breathe odor or taste, bad sweat odor or taste, and “south of the border” bad odor or bad taste is indicative of internal problems.
This can be from a bad diet or eating habits. Or it could be from the fact that you have never done any internal cleansing. Not everyone needs to do an internal cleansing to control odors and tastes but some people DO need to do a variety of “detox” cleanses to freshen up their natural odor and taste. If you are one of them, do it. Or you may lose the man of your dreams.
These are just some things that women have done to blow me away. But I AM NOT your average guy. If you want an average guy then some of this probably won’t apply.
How Women Blow It With A Good Man (c) 2007 Dating To Relating, Inc.
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